They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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