after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
