I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
