she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
