K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
