Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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