i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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