How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
