id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
