and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
