I have demons in me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
