OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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