Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
