So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
