naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He has the fingertips of a God
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