I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
