Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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