I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
