I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
