he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
