yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
