This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
