yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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