She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
