We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
