The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
