hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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