it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
