I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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