so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
