hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
