Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
