Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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