I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
ttyl tear gas
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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