I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
