I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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