he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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