my sisters under your porch take her home
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
