You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
