Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
