I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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