Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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