i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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