Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
