i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
