I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he puts the penis in happiness.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
