what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
