If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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