I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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