dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wanna go halves on a baby?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
