he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
