Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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