If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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